(product photo courtesy of www.amazon.com)
Single Girl Problems: Why Being Single Isn't A Problem To Be Solved
by Andrea Bain
$16.99/£11.99 paperback
This is my first book review. I am extremely excited to write a book review, especially about the topic of being single. Why? Because I recently got divorced and I am now single for the first time in 25 years!!! It is a very scary prospect to be newly single after 25 years of marriage. I thought I would be with my husband for the rest of my life. Then one week after our anniversary he tells me he wants a divorce. Not "can we work on our marriage", he wants a DIVORCE. I admit I had suspected he was going to want one and I knew he wasn't happy but I thought we could work on our marriage with counseling. but I guess that wasn't in the cards. My first thoughts were anger, then sadness. I dreaded being SINGLE again. And do you know why? Because that meant being alone.
But why does everyone dread being single? Let's look at that with this book. Single Girl Problems: Why Being Single Isn't A Problem To Be Solved, written by Andrea Bain, who is an expert on relationships, and is one of the co-hosts of the CBC talk daytime talk show The Goods and she has hosted a number of national lifestyle shows. She has a degree in sociology and broadcast journalism. Andrea has interviewed dozens of Hollywood heavyweights, including Brad Pitt, Martin Scorsese and Oprah. She wrote this book to let single women know that hey, it is okay to be single and it is not the end of the world. Currently she lives in Toronto, where she is happily...single. Her goal is to change the narrative for single women. Let them know it's okay to be single and that there is nothing wrong with single life. For some reason our society criminalizes the single woman, making us feel like we are problematic because we are single. "You are 35 and not married? What is wrong with you?", people say. One of the first things she writes is being "single is not a failure." And "nobody will love you as much as you do. If you don't love yourself, how are you going to give love to someone else? Get to know yourself instead of waiting for some magical person to walk into your life and make you more adventurous, richer, nicer, smarter, sexier or more relaxed in your own skin." Also, "no matter how cute a guy is, don't ever let him mistreat you or make you feel inferior." These are definitely sage words of advice. I let my ex-husband mistreat me all the time. And he shouldn't have. I let him.
One of the big myths she tackles in her book is that being single sucks. It doesn't actually. It can be rather fun. But the media depict single women as if our lives suck and married life is where happiness lies. But we all know the truth. We make our own happiness. We are also not supposed to flaunt our single status. If we date more men than we should we are whores. If we don't date anyone we are wallflowers. There isn't a happy medium.
Many people still always ask a single woman, "When are you going to get married and have children?" That is, according to Ms. Bain, the quickest way to ruin a single woman's mood and put her into despair. It is just bad decorum. When you turn 30 everyone is always interested in your dating life and setting you up she notes. If you are not with someone you must be gay. Certain industries even propagate the notion that you have to be rescued by a handsome prince and whisked away to be married to be happy. You know who they are.
One of the best things about this book are the Dating Horror Stories that pop up through every once in a while. She offers advice on should you sleep with a man on the first date or wait three months to give him the truth test, as advised by Steve Harvey. There are even questions you should ask yourself before heading back out into the dating world.
The big chapter I was interested in was online dating. That is the biggest thing these days. With the advent of swiping right or left, everyone seems to be into online dating. I am suddenly into online dating too. Her advice is that it works but you may not meet the man of your dreams online. I have been online for a couple of weeks now and I can see her point. But there are good points to online dating. I have met some great guys too.
The one thing that struck me as the saddest thing about her book was that women over 60 have the hardest time finding potential dating partners. Men over 50 want women who are all in their 40's or younger. So women over 60 are left on the dating highway just cruising along and they have no off ramp. But Ms. Bain, in her effervescent voice, puts it like this. If a guy is chasing a woman half his age, you don't want him anyway. He has issues.
She also discusses things like being single for the holidays, how not to let it ruin your holiday; how to be single for the New Year and advice on how to get your money in check because that is often something that women do not keep track of (that's me over here!!!). Finally, she finishes up with advice from her heroine Chelsea Handler. I can definitely see that as I love Cheslea Handler too. She is an amazing woman and comedian. One that has said I am single and I love it.
This is a great book. I was a little worried it was going to be a snooze fest but I was pleasantly surprised. Single Girl Problems: Why Being Single Isn't A Problem To Be Solved is an uplifting look at how you can make life as a single woman wonderful. In it she discusses the dread, the loneliness, and what to do about it. I really got a lot out of the book and it made me feel better about my new life ahead of me. I have friends, my immediate family and there will be boyfriends along the way. Heck, there might even be love along the way.
So how am I doing about my divorce? To this day 8 months later our divorce is just about final and I have moved out into my own place because I needed a smaller place (I am disabled) and honestly I needed to be out of the toxic environment that was my house. Do you know what? I feel great. My insomnia is better. And I am HAPPY. That is the best thing ever. In the last 10 years I have not been happy.
Single Girl Problems: Why Being Single Isn't A Problem To Be Solved is available wherever books are sold. It is $16.99.
Until Next Time~
Marie Papachatzis
(This was sent for consideration)
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